He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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