So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
