I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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