im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
