Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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