It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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