this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
