Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
