just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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