You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
