White coat. Heels.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
