What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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