thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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