Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
