My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
