Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
