the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
