I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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