Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
