it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
