Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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