great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
