3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
