You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
