she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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