Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
