dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
