i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
