i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
