Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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