i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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