you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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