I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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