I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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