how can u be prego again
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
