M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
