Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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