I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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