it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
