its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
