I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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