Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
