There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
