Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
