Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
