I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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