I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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