I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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