I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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