I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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