Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
