I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
