So drunk, too bad you don't want this
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
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This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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