There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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