this just has baby written all over it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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