there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
