Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
