You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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