Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
