I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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