my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
