She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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