She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
