i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
