Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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