I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
