we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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