I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
