Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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